2. VitaminWater makes the internet feel bad

I spend a lot of time on the internet. A lot. So when I saw an ad for VitaminWater between my allotted doses of The Daily Show, I was sad, like a little girl who just had her puppy run over by the horse trailer taking her pony to the glue factory. Watch this and find out what I mean.

I can't tell if this is a really good example of trying to force the cool factor or if VitaminWater wants to ruin what little life remains in memes, possibly both. Saturating a video to the point of critical mass with memes robs them of what little value they have left. This video is like a new acquaintance that learns every in-joke between a group of friends, only to end up regurgitating the disembodied husks of things that were once humorous. This stark and lifeless presentation only makes me doubt whether my entertainment was justified in the first place, and it just screams "LOOK AT ME! I AM FUNNY AND RELEVANT!"

No, no you are not.